Ask Enid

Do you have a curly social question that needs a straight answer…..Ask Enid, our regular problem solver.

Dear OCD Parent,

The bitching about the politics of parental car parking and the primary pick up line is quite a recent social conundrum, yet one that I am not surprised to see appear across my desk. Until recently, in fact before Generation X became parents, nobody really gave a toss about these things because they had bigger problems to contend with. Concerns such as the impending Cold War.

Of course, back in my day we had to walk across frozen lakes wearing burlap sacks and Weetbix boxes on our feet for shoes, to get to school. Occasionally we would take a detour into the bush to poke a dead body with a stick, but those were far simpler times.

A lot of sensible folk live by the proverb “If you can’t beat them, join them.” If your adversaries are stronger than you, which I suspect they are, sign up for membership. Join in the chaos! 

Do some persistent horn leaning while sitting in the pick-up line. Unwind your window to loudly beseech the unfairness of it all. Throw your takeaway coffee cup at the lolly-pop lady. Get out of your car and take photos of offending parents, load them all up to a local Facebook community page and accompany the images with scathing commentary. And if you are feeling particularly spiteful, add an outfit rating for each School Mum. If you are going to be judgemental,do it loud and clear! You could even develop a criteria scale with all that extra time you have, sitting in your car.

 If it is drop off time, turn your car radio up full blast and treat the waiting crowds to the rambling tones of Ray Hadley in the morning, making sure that everyone starts the day subliminally on edge, and with an unusual urge to write to the local member about just how the school pick up and drop off zones have become a lawless battlefield and there is a need for urgent funding so teachers on duty can be equipped with stun guns for when little Felicity’s Mum just needs a few minutes to talk about her diorama grade. A diorama that Felicity’s Mum spent 8 hours working on and had to go to two different Spotlight’s to find the right peach coloured pom poms and a 13 out of 20 is not an accurate reflection on the effort she has put in….

You can do that. If you like.

However, the only real way to address your concerns and quell your anxiety without being labelled a “bothersome” parent, is to gracefully bow out of all proceedings.

Issue your children with a bus pass which are free unless you live closer than 1.6 kilometres as the crow flies from the school, which if indeed is the case, yes. I am totally judging you for not making them walk.

Instead of feeling anxious everyday by the drama caused by inconsiderate people ignoring all procedures and rules, invest your emotional energy into catching up on the latest hi-jinx from the dysfunctional Forrester Family and the rest of the Bold and The Beautiful Gang.

I bet Sally Spectra would never have put up with disobedient, renegade, school pick up line outlaws. Not for a second.

As Always

Enid.